Am I really supposed to feed “exhausted parents”? – East Bay Times
Dear Miss MANGERS: One of my not very close friends has become a grandmother. She sent me a blind-copied email suggesting that I could help exhausted parents by providing them with a home cooked meal.
A registration link was provided, and she was kind enough to suggest that if cooking and delivering the meal was too difficult, I could order it and have it delivered to one of the new parents’ favorite restaurants (list included) . Or I could send money, and she would pick up the meal and deliver it for me.
Both parents are employed and were on parental leave.
I couldn’t help but think that this was presumptuous of my friend – both that I would be giving a gift and that I wanted to direct the gift to the parents rather than the new baby.
Was I wrong to be offended? Is this how things are going now?
SOFT READER: Not politely. Miss Manners therefore suggests that you respond, “Oh, congratulations on your grandchild. I will be sure to send the best of myself to parents.
Your best what – and whether or not, and how, you do it – is entirely up to you. It doesn’t matter how many reminders you receive otherwise.
Dear Miss MANGERS: I have always hesitated to have children. I finally decided that it would depend on who I meet and who I get serious with.
As fate would have it, I have met someone who does not want to have children for medical reasons. We’ve talked about it, and she’s open for adoption if I ever want to have kids.
The problem here is my family. I have one brother and two sisters. All are married (or have been) and each have two children. Over the past 10 to 15 years, they’ve been making comments like, “When are you going to have kids? “
It always bothered me, and I didn’t know how to respond as I wasn’t even sure I wanted children. The subtle clues have only increased since they met my partner and know how serious our relationship is. They once even asked with her gift, which made her a little uncomfortable.
To top it off, my dad doesn’t have any brothers, and my brother has two daughters – so I just had a son to continue our last name. They subtly alluded to it a few times.
My family is close and it will not create a rift between us, but what would be the best way to let them know that I am not currently planning to have children? And what if I do, will it be adoption?
SOFT READER: “Currently, I do not plan to have children. And if I do, it will be an adoption.
Please direct questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to his e-mail, [email protected]; or by regular mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.